Dating the IronMan: A Reflection

Committing to an IronMan triathlon and seeing it through to the end is harder than anything I have ever experienced. It’s so all-consuming that it is like a serious relationship: You think about him all the time. You plan ahead so you have as much time with him as possible. You lose weight because you’re in love. At times you question your commitment to him. Other times you regret ever having met him. But, above all else, you love the way he makes you feel.  


I started flirting with my IronMan after a sprint triathlon in May 2010. With virtually no training under my belt, I swam, biked and ran a relaxed race and truly enjoyed the event. His timing was impeccable - I had just celebrated my 31^st birthday and was riding the high of weeklong festivities. I flirted on and off with him throughout the next few months. We spent time getting to know each other, seeing if it was going anywhere or if it was just a shot-lived fling. It became a serious monogamous relationship on 16 September when we said the equivalent of “I love you,” which, in our case, was “I commit to you above everything else.” We tried to ease into things, spending only one or two hours together daily, but soon it ramped up to 15-20 hours a week and I was consumed. By 2 November it was official: We were engaged! The big date was 10 July 2011, in Zurich, Switzerland.

The same way that most engagements last at least a year and most people who get engaged have spent years together, most people who sign up for an Ironman have been training for years- working their way up from sprint, to Olympic, to half-iron distances before stepping up to the start line of the longest triathlon event. Ours fell into the category of a whirlwind wedding, I suppose. Hot and heavy from the start, I gave myself over completely and never looked back. I finished all of my training sessions apart from when I was hospitalized. The most common reaction upon finding out about our engagement was disbelief. “How could you commit to something as epic and life altering as this without taking more time? You don’t even know each other!” But I had everything I needed – the knowledge that I could trust him to give back to me just as much as I gave to him.

Healthy relationships take effort. They shouldn’t be hard, but they are not without sacrifice and compromise. An IronMan takes more sacrifice and compromise than any relationship I have ever experienced, but it also has high returns. My IronMan never stood me up. He was there when I needed him and even when I didn’t. He never got jealous when I went out with friends or flirted with other men. He knew that he had me. Every day. He knew that he always came first. Even though I might stay out all night with a guy, in the morning I would still hit the pavement and put in all the hours. I never had trust issues because I knew if I put in the training the relationship would be successful. Other things might get in the way, but he would never let me down.

And he didn’t. As I stood at the starting line that day in Zurich, I felt a rush of nervous excitement mixed with confidence. I knew my wetsuit wasn’t the top-of-the-line, my bike was far from the most streamlined and efficient, my shoes already had hundreds of miles of wear and tear on them, and I wasn’t nearly as fit as most of the other competitors. Despite these apparent shortcomings, I also knew that I had done everything I could to be prepared for that day. I never doubted my ability to finish the race, and that’s what got me through the 15 hours it took me to finish. But I did finish. It all paid off.

In an IronMan, if you finish, you win. The same thing is true in relationships except there is no finish line. After dating the IronMan, I’m much less afraid of commitment - I just hope I can eventually find someone willing to go the distance for me the way I know I can for him.

IronDating Profile

Reading between the lines of my dating profile as an IronMan triathlete:

"I am an outdoors type of person." Really means: I train in any type of weather: if it's raining, snowing, 90 degrees with 100 percent humidity, or winds gusting at 30 mph. I don't want to hear any complaints because I will still train in it and you're just a big wuss for complaining about it.

"I enjoy riding my bike." Really means: with or without aero bars, alone or in a peloton, I don't care. If you can't do a spur of the moment 30 miler then you're not my type. I will let you draft, but if you can't hang and I drop you - I will see you later. IF you can’t handle being beaten by a girl I’m not interested. I am a capable mechanic, but don't expect me to change your flats or tune your bike. You need to learn that on your own.

"I enjoy jogging." Really means: Let's run hills until we puke. I have just as many shoes as any other girl only mine are better because they are functional.

"I enjoy dining out." Really means: I enjoy eating out, I enjoy eating in , and I enjoy eating almost anywhere else I can find food. Your wallet better be able to handle my caloric intake. Don't be shy because with the amount of food I eat, you can have that main entree and dessert and you will still look as though you eat like a rabbit in comparison. Don't expect a taste off my plate unless you can bring something to the party, namely: more food. Eventually if you’re not burning 4,000 calories a day you’re going to gain weight and have a terrible complex due to being outeaten by a girl while you’re getting a gut. Friends and family will make or order extra food when they dine with us due to my caloric intake. Oh, and don't ask me any questions during breakfast, Mid Morning Lunch, Lunch, Afternoon lunch, dinner or Recovery Dinner as it does not lend to efficient food intake.

"I enjoy quiet walks on the beach." Really means: Walks on the beach are a warm up into an 8 mile run and then I enjoy plunging myself in the ocean for a 2 miler. If you get in my way you're going to find out what mass start is and let me assure you that you don't want to find out.

"I find fulfillment in charitable work." Really means: If I am not racing, I am volunteering and I expect you to be there along side me as I stand out in 90 degree weather for 8 hours handing out sports drink to cyclists going 20 mph. Just stick your arm out there and hope it doesn't get taken off.

"I enjoy sharing quiet moments together." Really means: It's taper time. Just back off because I am strategizing and in a bad mood because I am worried about my "A" race and can't workout. 

"I am an active person." Really means: Aside from my 40-hour job, and the 8 mandatory hours of sleep a night. 10 hours a week are devoted to training during the off-season and 20 during race season leaving us 4 hours. 2 of which are spent inhaling food, so let's make the best of the 2 hours we will spend together on average each day. If you are a licensed massage therapist, sports trainer, or doctor this would make the most optimal use of our time together. Nutritionist is also acceptable, but I probably already know just as much as you. 

"I enjoy site seeing." Really means: Lets grab a mountain bike and get our heart rates up to 90%. There's plenty of time to look around on the descent as trees and bushes whiz by you at 40 mph.

"I enjoy relaxing soaks in the tub." Really means: I'm going to stop on the way home and buy two bags of ice, throw them in the tub with some water, and sit in this torture chamber for 30 minutes.

"I'm interested in photography." Really means: My camera is permanently perched on a tripod in front of my trainer. I obsess over taking photos of my bike position and analyzing them to get the perfect setup. I have also paid an obscene amount of money to analyse my running form.

"I'm into in technology." Really means: My heart rate monitor and bike computer are my best friends. Until you can give me some hard data that can improve my training, don't bother trying to buddy up to me. You could one day break into the top three if I find you as entertaining on long runs and rides as my mp3 player.